


Twisted

by a1_kitkat



Category: Westlife
Genre: Boyband, Boys Kissing, Deception, Drugged Sex, Dubious Consent, Established Relationship, Heartbreak, Jealousy, Lies, M/M, Manipulation, Pining, Shian, Shnicky - Freeform, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 17:18:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3986368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicky and Shane are happily involved but seeing them together hurts Kian more than he can stand. It pains him, knowing that Shane threw him away so easily and moved on to someone else... He's determine to find a way to win Shane back, even if he has to hurt Nicky in the process</p><p> </p><p>Or a shorter summary:<br/>A fic in which I tried to write Kian as devious but he comes across as a dick for no apparent reason</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To all the Kian fans, I'm sorry this fic didn't quite turn out the way I had planned

The sun was shining brightly overhead as the five members of Westlife relaxed near the hotel swimming pool. They’d been on tour for almost two months and finally had a few days off. They had discussed the idea of heading home but decided against spending more time on a plane. By the time they got home, it would be time for them to turn around and go back.   
In the end, they’d all decided to simply stay in the hotel and use this time to relax.

Kian lay back in one of the arm chairs, his eyes scanning the pool area. The hotel was quite deserted, so they had enough privacy. He saw Bryan sitting a few feet away, his cell phone to his ear and he was in the midst of a conversation with Kerry. Mark was on the opposite side of the pool, a book open in front of him. Kian could tell he wasn't reading it. Mark had, in fact, fallen asleep.  
Kian's eyes continued to scan the pool. He was looking for the final two lads. Shane and Nicky had a tendency to disappear for hours on end, without the other lads even noticing. He spotted Shane and his heart skipped a beat. Shane was down the other end of the pool, sitting on the edge with his legs draped over the side, resting them in the water. He had obviously just climbed out of the water as his chest was dripping with water, glistening in the sun light.   
Kian saw Shane look up, staring directly at him and he held back a smile, thankful he was wearing sun glasses. He shifted uncomfortably under Shane's gaze. However, he couldn't tear his eyes away from Shane's body. The blonde longed to hold Shane, to be with him once more. He missed the older boy terribly. Kian closed his eyes and tried very hard not to think about him. It was getting harder each day… Whenever he looked at him, he was reminded of the day when Shane had broken his heart.

The blonde was awakened from his trance by a voice. Mark was now standing next to him, staring down at him. He looked up at him, slightly confused.

"You wanna get a drink?" Mark asked him.  
"What? Now?" Kian asked.  
"Yeah... Sure"

Kian shifted his gaze and watched as Shane dropped back into the pool. He wanted to stay and watch but he couldn't tell Mark that. Shane resurfaced and Kian watched him swim over to Nicky. Shane grabbed the blonde and pushed him under the water. Nicky quickly resurfaced and turned around to glare at the brunette.

"Ki?" Mark asked. "Are you coming?"  
"Yeah" Kian replied. "You bet"

Kian stood up and quietly followed Mark towards the bar.

******

Shane sat quietly on the side of the pool, watching Nicky in the water. He smiled to himself and looked up, his eyes focusing on Kian. He didn't know if it was just his imagination, or if Kian really was pulling away from him. Each time he tried to have a conversation with him, it either turned into an argument or turned into an awkward silence.  
The only explanation Shane could think of for Kian's weird behaviour was his relationship with Nicky. Shane had been with Nicky for almost a year, they had told the other lads of their relationship only a few months earlier. Mark and Bryan had been supportive but Kian...  
Shane sighed. Maybe Kian wasn't happy about it. Not that Shane would blame him if he wasn't. He thought back to that night, when he and Nicky had come out to their friends, and his conversation with Kian.

\-----

Shane followed Kian into the hall and called out to him. Kian stopped and turned around but refused to look at Shane.

"What?" Kian asked.  
"Ki" Shane began. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"  
"As long as you're happy"  
"I am. And so is Nicky"  
"Then I'm happy for you"  
"Well, you sure don't look or sound it"  
"Why should I be? You're the one who has everything now. You've moved on, you've forgotten all about me and what we had. You've got a new sex toy and I've got nothing!"

Shane grabbed Kian's shoulder and forced him up against the wall, glaring at him, threateningly.  
"If you ever talk about Nicky like that again, I will fucking kill you"  
Kian stared deeply into Shane's eyes. He could see how angry Shane was with him and he instantly felt guilty.

"I... I'm sorry Shane" Kian whispered. "I shouldn't have said that"  
"Damn right" Shane replied.  
"No. I had no right. I'm sorry. You... you deserve to be happy. If... If Nicky makes you happy, then so be it"  
Shane loosened his grip and released his hold on Kian.  
"I never meant to hurt you, Ki” he said softly. “Like I've said before, I still care about you. And, there is someone out there for you. It's just that... I'm not them"  
"I know. But.... Can you please, just answer me this"  
"Sure. What?"  
"Did you leave me for him?"  
"What?"  
"Did you dump me for Nicky?"  
"No! Of course I didn't. We... We just didn't work out. I care about you but not like you want me to. We agreed that we could still be friends. I don't want my relationship with Nicky to destroy our friendship"  
"It won't" Kian stated. "You're my best friend Shane. Nothing will ever change that"  
Shane pulled Kian into a hug and whispered 'Thank you'.

\-----

Shane slid back into the pool and made his way over to Nicky. He placed his hands on the blonde’s shoulders and pushed him under the water. A second later, Nicky resurfaced and turned around. He looked at Shane and tried to glare at him.  
The brunette lowered his eyes and tried to look as innocent as possible. That look always worked on his lover. Instead of trying to get even with Shane, Nicky threw his arms around his neck and softly kissed his lips.

Shane pulled away and quickly scanned the pool area. It was empty with the exception of themselves and Bryan.  
"Hey? Are you okay?" Nicky asked.  
"Yeah" Shane replied. "I just... Maybe we shouldn't do that in public"  
"But, we're alone here"  
"I know. I just, don't wanna take that risk"

Nicky stared at the brunette as Shane's eyes scanned the pool area. The younger boy's eyes focused on Kian’s retreating form. Nicky stared at Shane staring at Kian. An uneasy feeling began to grow in the pit of his stomach. There was something his lover wasn't telling him.   
Nicky didn't know if he wanted to find out what it was.

******

An hour later, Shane and Nicky were walking down the hall of the hotel, making their way back to their room. As they rounded a corner the couple passed Mark helping Kian back to his room.

"Mark?" Shane asked. "What happened?"  
"Nothing... He just... He drank a bit too much" Mark replied.  
"You need a hand?"  
"No... I'll be fine"  
"Are you sure?"  
"You bet"  
Nicky shrugged and took Shane's hand, pulling him towards their room and ushered him inside.

Mark watched them disappear into their room. He sighed and turned back to Kian. He continued his journey down the hall until he reached Kian's room. He unlocked the door and helped his drunken friend inside.

"Now, you just need sleep" Mark told him.  
"Don't want sleep" Kian mumbled.  
"Just go to sleep" Mark replied.  
"You're a good friend"  
"Yeah... I suppose"  
"I love you Shane"  
"I'm not Shane. I'm Mark"  
"I love Shane"

Mark shook his head. He decided Kian was too drunk to know what he was saying. He placed Kian down on his bed and turned to leave the room. As he closed the door behind him, he could still hear Kian mumbling to himself.   
"Love you, Shane. Love you, Shane. Love you, Shane"

******

Nicky exited the bathroom in time to see Shane hide something in his suitcase. His heart sank. He and Shane had no secrets from each other, what was his love hiding from him? He walked over to the younger boy and slid his arms around his waist. He felt Shane tense for a moment before relaxing. The blonde leaned forward and kissed his lover's cheek.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Nicky asked him.  
"Yeah... I'm fine" Shane told him.  
"You seemed a little out of it before"  
"Sorry. I didn't mean to be"  
"Had a lot on your mind?"  
"Yeah"  
"Nothing serious I hope"  
"No, it's okay"

Nicky nodded, in understanding. He nuzzled his head against Shane's neck and closed his eyes. Shane smiled to himself. He loved Nicky so much. If only Kian could see that.

******

Later that night, Shane and Nicky made their way down the hall to Mark's room. Shane opened the door and they went inside. Mark was lying on his bed, a magazine open in front of him. Bryan was reading the room service menu.

"Hey, we're not late are we?" Shane asked.  
"No, we haven't even ordered yet" Bryan replied. "And Ki isn't here yet either"  
"Kino might not show up" Mark added. "He was a bit wasted and out of it this afternoon"  
"Is he okay?" Shane asked.  
"He'll be fine"  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah, he just had too much to drink. That's all"  
"I don't know" Bryan began. "Is it just me or has Ki started to act... weird?"  
"Weird?" Shane asked.  
"Yeah" Bryan continued. "Like... secluded and out of it. He always seems depressed. Like he's off in his own little world. Oblivious to everyone and everything around him"  
"Well, it's funny you should mention it" Mark spoke up. "I... I kinda noticed it too. I wasn't gonna say anything because I thought it was just my imagination"

"Shane? Nicky? Have you two noticed anything up with Ki?" Bryan asked.  
"No" Nicky replied.  
"Uh, kinda" Shane stated. "I just, I assumed he was tired or just warn out. You know how he gets. When we've been touring too much or he's been working too hard"  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Nicky asked Shane. "You never said anything about it before"  
"Like I said" Shane replied, "I assumed it was nothing. That it was just him being him"

The door opened and Kian entered the room. He looked tired, exhausted. He walked over to the couch and sat down. He was yet to greet any of the other lads.

"Hey Ki" Shane began. "Are you okay?"  
"Like you'd care" Kian mumbled.  
"Was that a yes or a no?" Shane asked, not hearing his reply.  
"I'm fine"  
"You hungry?"  
"Yeah"

******

Dinner was a rather awkward event. Mark was trying to figure out if what Kian had said to him was true. Nicky was still stewing in silence; he didn’t like knowing Shane was keeping secrets from him.  
Kian was very uneasy around Nicky, plus he felt lost. The pain he felt whenever he looked at Shane was stronger today than other days.   
Bryan was fine. He had no idea of the conflicts which spread through the group.

Kian was the first to leave. He couldn't stand being in the same room with Shane and Nicky. He also felt like Mark and Bryan were staring at him. He didn't even finish his meal, merely excused himself and was out of the room in record time. He returned to his room and collapsed on his bed. He lay there for a few minutes before getting up. He walked over to his suitcase and rummaged through his belongings. Inside was a box with several videos in it. He pulled out a video marked 'Shower' and turned to the television. The blonde turned the TV on and placed the video in the player, lowered the volume and pressed play.

The screen changed and was immediately filled with a shot of Shane in the shower. Kian smiled at the sight and checked his watch. He had placed his video camera in Shane and Nicky's room ten minutes ago. Unless they returned within the next half hour, he'd be filming nothing good.  
Kian turned back to the television and watched Shane. He couldn't hold back a smile. He had watched this video countless times, he had memorized every frame of the video. He felt himself growing hard, knew this video would keep him busy for a while but it wasn't enough.   
He had to get Shane back. He had to be with him once more....  
No matter what the cost.


	2. Chapter 2

Breakfast the following morning was more relaxed than the previous night's dinner. Nicky seemed to have forgiven Shane for whatever was bothering him the previous night and they were practically all over each other. Mark seemed to have forgotten about Kian's drunken outburst and was more outspoken.   
Kian was a little happier too. He’d stayed up all night trying to think of a way to win Shane back. Each time, he had come up blank. Shane was happy with Nicky but Kian was miserable without Shane.   
Finally, in the early hours of the morning, he had had an idea.

After breakfast, Kian decided to put his plan in motion. He told Bryan he was going for a walk and left the hotel. He climbed into a taxi and was taken several miles out of town. He paid the driver and climbed out, closing the door behind him. The singer waited until the taxi was out of sight before walking up the front steps. He knocked on the door of the building and awaited someone to answer the door. It slowly opened and someone greeted him.

"Kian?" The man asked.  
"Justin?" Kian replied.  
"Long time no see"  
"Tell me about it"  
"What can I do for you?"  
"Are you still dealing?"  
"Maybe... What do you need?"  
Justin stepped aside and ushered Kian inside.

******

Bryan knocked on the door to Kian's room. There was no answer. He knocked again but still received no answer. He sighed and tried to open the door. It was locked. He pulled out the key and unlocked the door. He went into the room, opened Kian's suitcase and began to rummage but couldn't find what he had been looking for. He eventually found it removed the phone charger and started to close the suitcase but something caught his attention and he opened it again.

A box marked 'Keep Out' was squashed in the back corner of the bag. The box had a padlock on it but the lock was open. He bit his bottom lip, trying to decide if he should snoop or not. Curiosity finally got the better of him and he opened the box.  
Three video cassettes were inside the box. He picked up the one on top and looked at it. The label read 'Shower'. He raised his eyebrow and thought for a moment. If Kian had porn with him, Bryan would have known about it. Or at least found it sooner.  
He took the cassette over to the video player and slid the video inside. He turned the TV on and pressed 'Play'. The image on the screen changed and was replaced with a shot of a bathroom. Well, a shower. Bryan pressed 'Stop' and 'Fast Forward'. He pressed 'Play' once more and gasped. This was no ordinary porno. It was Shane!   
Bryan stoped the video and removed it from the player. He placed it back inside the cover and tossed it back into the box. He closed the suitcase and hurried out of the room.

Bryan ran straight across the hall to Mark's room and unlocked the door. Mark was asleep on his bed. He hurried over to him and shook him awake.

"Mark?" Bryan called. "Mark? Get up!"  
"Huh? Wha...?" Mark asked, waking up.  
"Kian"  
"What? What's happened? Is he okay?"  
"Sure. I think so"  
"Then, what is it?"  
"He... I... Shane"  
"What? Slow down and start from the beginning"  
"Kian has porn"  
"Yeah, we know. You've seen it. You used to borrow it"  
"No. He has new stuff"  
"And you woke me up just to tell me that?"  
"It's of Shane!"  
"It's... What? Our Shane?"  
"Yeah. 'Our' Shane"  
"But... How... Why?"  
"I don't know, but I think we now know why Ki bought that video camera"  
"You mean, he's been filming it himself?"  
"I think so"  
"With or Without Shane's permission?"  
"I think it's safe to say... Without"  
"Well, what should we do?"  
"I... We, we have to talk to Kian. Or tell Shane"

"Where is Ki?"  
"He said he was going for a walk. That was over hour ago"  
"I guess we'll just have to wait for him to get back and confront him"  
"Sure. Knock yourself out"  
"What?"  
"Well, how do you suggest we raise the issue? 'Hi Ki, I just happen to be searching through your personal belongings and I just happen to find your videos of Shane?'. I'm sure he'll love that"  
"You know what? Maybe you should let me talk to him. I have known him longer"  
"Well, good luck. But if you need a hand... Just gimmie a call"  
"I will"

******

Less than an hour later, Kian left Justin's place. He smiled to himself as he waited for his taxi to arrive. He reached into his pocket and ran his fingers along the tiny packet. He felt a tiny amount of guilt forming inside but ignored it.  
The taxi arrived and he climbed in, thankful the taxi driver didn't recognize him. He gave the driver the address for the hotel and stared out the window. Kian watched as the taxi drove through the deserted streets. He thought back to what Justin had said to him.

"Tell him its aspirin. Then give it an hour to take effect"  
"So he'll think I'm Nix?" Kian had asked.  
"You bet"   
"How long will it last?"  
"Half hour at least"  
"Perfect. And you, not a word!"  
"Cross my heart"

Kian watched as the hotel began to get closer. He pulled out his wallet and found some money. The taxi stopped and Kian paid him. As he walked up the front steps and into the lobby, only one thought occupied his mind. How was he going to get Shane to take it?

Kian walked up the stairs of the hotel and down the hall towards his room. He paused and pulled his key from his pocket. He slid the key into the lock and went inside. He closed and locked the door behind him and walked over to his bed. He collapsed on the bed and lay still, staring at the ceiling.  
After several minutes, he stood up and his eyes rested on his suitcase. It was open. Well, the zipper was open while the case was closed. When he had left that morning, he had made sure his suitcase was closed properly.  
He walked over to his suitcase and opened it. Some one had been through his case. He surveyed the contents, trying to see if anything was missing. The only thing he couldn't find was his cell phone charger. He remembered Bryan asking him if he could borrow it and assumed Bryan had come to get it.

Kian pushed all these thoughts from his mind. He could trust Bryan; he knew Bryan would never snoop through his suitcase or any of his other personal belongings. He then assumed Bryan had come into his room, located the charger and left.  
His mind then shifted to his video camera, which was still in Shane and Nicky's room. Kian stood up and approached the door which separated his room from their's. He placed his ear to the wall, but couldn't hear anything. He knew that meant they were out or they were sleeping. He assumed that, because it was the middle of the day, they were out somewhere.  
Kian slowly opened the door and glanced into the room. It was empty. He entered the room and made a beeline for his camera. He picked it up and smirked. He couldn't wait to get back to his room and watch it.

"Kian?"  
A voice from behind startled him. Kian slowly turned around, keeping his camera behind his back and out of view. He stopped and stared at the owner of the voice. The bathroom door was open and standing in the doorway, wearing only a towel, was Shane. Kian's eyes looked Shane up and down, taking in the sight of his almost naked body. He felt his cock spring to life inside his jeans.

"Kian," Shane began once more. "What are you doing here?"  
Shane shifted his weight, uncomfortably. He was suddenly feeling self-conscious under Kian's roaming eyes. Shane tightened his grip on his towel and took a step back. Kian stared intently at the older boy. Several drops of water were running down his chest and Kian's eyes followed them.

"God Shane," Kian breathed. "You're so beautiful"  
"What are you doing here?" Shane averted his eyes.  
"I... Nothing" Kian replied, taking a step towards Shane.  
"Then... Kian… Please? Can you please just leave?" Shane asked him.

Kian took another step towards Shane. He watched as Shane backed away from him. The brunette backed himself up against the wall and looked up at his friend. The blonde's eyes roamed over the older boy’s entire body, taking him in from head to toe. Before Shane could object Kian leaned forward and brushed his lips against Shane's.

Shane felt his defences crumble as he found himself returning Kian's kiss. The blonde reached out and brushed his hand against Shane's cock. He felt his friend flinch but he didn’t retract his hand. The older boy started to pull away but Kian didn't want the moment to pass. He reached up and untied Shane's towel.  
As Shane pulled away, Kian grabbed his towel and removed it. Shane froze and stared at him. Kian smiled as he stared at Shane's naked form.  
"KIAN!" Shane practically shouted.

The two men stared at each other for several seconds, neither man knowing what to say to the other. A noise from out in the hall caught their attention.

"Shane?" Nicky's voice called.  
Kian grabbed Shane's arm and pulled him into the bathroom, closing the door behind them. Shane stared at Kian in horror.   
The door opened and they heard Nicky enter the room.  
"Shane?" Nicky asked. "Are you in here?"

Shane opened his mouth to speak but Kian stopped him.  
"You really wanna tell him that you're in here, naked, with me?" Kian whispered. Shane realized that Kian had a point and closed his mouth. The blonde smirked.  
Without thinking, Kian dropped to his knees and took Shane’s cock into his mouth. The brunette fell against the wall at the shock Kian had given him and tried not to make a sound. 

Nicky approached the bathroom door and knocked.  
"Shane?" Nicky asked. He reached out, turned the handle and began to open the door. Shane quickly slammed the door shut and closed his eyes. He couldn't let Nicky see this but he had to tell him something.

"Nicky?" Shane called, trying to keep his voice even. "I... I'm just about to have a... a shower"  
"You want me to join you?" Nicky replied.  
Shane held back a moan. He loved showering with Nicky but he knew he had to object. If Nicky came into the bathroom and saw him with Kian, he would be crushed. 

Kian rolled his tongue around Shane's tip, all the while teasing his hole with his finger.   
"N... No" Shane groaned. "I only want a quick one. I... I'll meet you in the bar in a few?"  
"Ok" Nicky replied. "Shane? Are you okay?"

Kian slid his finger inside Shane's ass, sending a violent shiver down Shane's spine. He knew this was wrong but at the same time he found it arousing. As he listened to his boyfriends’ voice, his hardness was being treated... Shane felt guilty for betraying Nicky but on the other hand, it was Kian's fault.

"I'm.... I'm fine Nicky" Shane replied. "I'll see you soon"  
"Okay" Nicky replied.


	3. Chapter 3

Shane clamped his mouth shut to hold back a moan. He heard Nicky's retreating footsteps followed by the sound of the door opening then closing. By now Kian had added an extra finger and was thrusting inside the brunette's hole. He bit his lip as his orgasm hit and he shot his load into Kian's mouth.   
He placed his hand on Kian's shoulder as his knees gave way beneath him. Kian removed his fingers and released the brunette’s cock. Shane slowly sank to the floor and leaned back against the wall.

The guilt tearing through his heart stopped him from looking at Kian. He closed his eyes and tried to hold back his tears.  
"How could you do that to Nicky?" Kian's words pierced Shane's heart. "He loves you and this is how you repay him? What kind of a boyfriend are you?"  
Shane knew that Kian was right. He had no right to do what he had just done. He hadn't wanted Nicky to know that Kian was there, it would have hurt him too much but if Nicky ever found out what had happened between them, it would kill him.  
"Goodbye, my love" Kian said.

Kian leaned forward and lightly kissed Shane's lips. Shane instantly pulled away and opened his eyes to glare at him.  
"GET OUT!" Shane warned him.  
Kian stood up and walked away, his laughs echoed throughout the room. 

Shane buried his face in his hands and began to cry. He knew Kian was right. Shane had betrayed Nicky's trust and had been aroused by the very thought. He had been having a conversation with his boyfriend while another man had sucked him off. Shane had never felt so much guilt before.  
He wiped the tears from his eyes and stared at the bathroom door. It was as much his fault as it was Kian's. If Kian hadn't forced him into the bathroom then Nicky would have caught them and Shane wouldn't have been able to explain. Well, he would have but Nicky probably wouldn't have believed him.  
Yet, Kian had gone down on him. Kian shouldn't have done that. Shane shouldn't have let him do it. It wasn't the first time Kian had given him a blowjob, when they had been together he had gotten one almost every night but this time had been very different.

Shane was with Nicky now. He loved Nicky, more than he had ever loved Kian. But the more he thought about it, the more he realised that he hadn't really loved Kian. No, he had lusted for Kian. Their relationship had been more sexual than loving.  
When Shane was with Kian, it had been purely sexual. They were always at it, had fucked each other senseless on many occasions. They had had more kinky encounters than they had had romantic nights together.  
But with Nicky, Shane felt whole. With Nicky, it wasn't about the sex, it was the closeness, the tenderness, the love they had for each other. They cared about each other and took their time. When they made love, they did just that. There was never any rush, just being in the moment and enjoying the feel of each other.

Shane feared that the five minutes he had just spent with Kian would ruin everything he and Nicky held dear. He knew he could never tell Nicky about what had happened but if Kian opened his mouth, Nicky would be crushed. He finally managed to pull himself off the ground. He was in desperate need of another shower. He walked over and turned the water on. Without bothering to check the temperature, he climbed in and willed the water to wash away the betrayal he had just performed.

******

When Shane entered the bar a good fifteen minuted later Nicky instantly knew something was wrong. He shot several looks at the brunette before questioning him.

"Shane, are you sure you're okay?" Nicky asked him.  
"Y... Yeah Nix. I'm... I'm fine" Shane told him.  
"You just seem a little preoccupied"  
"Just got a lot on my mind"  
"Nothing serious I hope"  
"No. Of course not"

The couple fell silent. Nicky honestly believed something more was bothering Shane. Shane himself felt so guilty for his actions that he was afraid to speak, from fear of saying the wrong thing. He knew he had to say something though.  
Shane scanned the bar quickly and noted that it was fairly crowded. He thought for a moment. If he had to tell Nicky, now would be the best time. There were lots of witnesses and Nicky wouldn't make a scene in front of so many people.

"Nicky?" Shane began.  
"Yes?" Nicky asked.  
"There's.... I was.... I'm sor...." Shane sighed and tried to compose himself.  
"Shane? What's wrong?"

Shane looked up and stared into Nicky's deep blue eyes. He stared at him for several seconds, losing himself in his love's eyes.  
"I..." Shane began. 'Can't do it' he thought. 'I can't hurt you like that'.  
"I love you" Shane said.  
"I know... And I love you" Nicky told him. "Are you sure that you're okay?"  
"Yeah. I... I've got a little headache, that's all"  
"Maybe you should go and lie down?"  
"No. I'll be fine"  
Nicky's eyes were now full of concern, worried about his boyfriend's health. Shane feigned a smile and averted his eyes. Nicky loved him so much and this is how he repaid him?

Shane knew he was dirt. He was lower than dirt. He was a fool... A fool who was truly, madly, deeply in love. He was head over heels in love with Nicky. But he had still managed to hurt him in the worst way imaginable. And Nicky didn't even know about it. He was furious at Kian for putting him in this position but he was furious at himself too. Furious at himself for allowing Kian to put him in this position and furious at himself for not being able to own up about it. Shane knew that if he didn't do something about it soon, he would lose Nicky and he just couldn't live with that.  
But, he couldn't live with his guilt either.

******

Kian was on top of the world. All afternoon the tension between Shane and Nicky began to grow. By the time the lads all met up for dinner, the tension was so thick Kian felt that he could cut it with a knife. Shane refused to make eye contact with Kian or Nicky and Kian also felt something off with Mark and Bryan's behaviour.

"So... How was everyone's day?" Kian asked, trying to open a conversation. A look passed between Mark and Bryan while another passed between Shane and Nicky.  
"What's wrong with everybody?" Kian asked. "Why are you all so quiet?"  
"Well, why are you so talkative?" Mark asked.  
"I had a good day..."  
"Feel like sharing?"

Kian smiled and sensed movement from the corner of his eye. He glanced at Shane and saw a terrified look on his face. Kian had to hold back a smirk.  
"'fraid not" Kian replied. "I guess it was something to experience and cherish... but not share"

The fear in Shane's eyes lightened but he didn't appear relieved either. Kian knew it wouldn't be long before Shane caved in. Shane would tell Nicky of his antics with Kian and Nicky would dump him. Shane would be shattered and Kian would come along and pick up the pieces. Shane would be his again in no time.

"Well..." Mark began. "Tomorrow, we've got a photo shoot in the morning but the rest of the day is free. Anyone got any ideas on what to do?"  
"No" Kian, Shane and Nicky replied in unison.  
"Ok. So, that was a short conversation" Bryan spoke up.  
"I guess we're just not in the talking mood" Nicky quietly added.

The five lads fell silent for the remainder of the meal.

******

Nicky and Shane retreated to the privacy of their own room. The brunette opened the door and the blonde followed him inside, closing the door behind him. Shane walked over to the TV, turned it on and began searching the channels for something to watch. The blonde watched him for a moment before collapsing on their bed. He closed his eyes but knew it was too early to sleep.  
Shane shifted his gaze from the TV to his love who was relaxing, on their bed with his eyes closed.   
He appeared more interesting than the TV. Shane flicked it off and climbed onto the bed beside Nicky. He leaned forward and kissed his forehead. Nicky smiled so the younger boy leaned closer and lightly brushed his lips against his.

The older boy's hand snaked around behind Shane's neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. Shane continued his assault on Nicky's lips for several minutes until his mind filled with images of the afternoon... And his antics in the bathroom with Kian.   
He slowly pulled away from Nicky, trying to break the kiss but not arouse his suspicions. Nicky shot a look at Shane but didn't say anything. Shane climbed off the bed and averted his eyes.

"Shane? What's wrong?" Nicky asked. His voice was soft and gentle, full of concern. Shane could easily tell Nicky was worried about him.  
"Nothing" Shane replied. "I'm fine. Please, try to stop worrying about me"  
"I can't help it. I'm your boyfriend, I'm supposed to worry about you"  
Shane stood up and smiled down at him. He leaned forward and kissed the top of Nicky's head.  
"Well... Don't" Shane told him. "I don't want you to worry about me especially when nothing is wrong. Now, I'm going to have a shower and when I get back... I wanna see you smiling, not frowning... Okay?"  
"Okay" Nicky replied, slightly pouting his lips.

Shane sighed. He hated it when Nicky pouted. He looked so adorable... not to mention sexy. Well, he didn't really hate it, just the effect it had on him.  
"Don't look at me like that" Shane told him. Nicky continued pouting.  
"Nicky..." he warned. The blonde kept his pout.  
"You... I..." Shane paused. He could see Nicky was trying not to laugh. The blonde knew his lover couldn't resist him when he pouted.  
"I'm going to have a shower" Shane said again. He turned on his heel and walked towards the bathroom. Nicky stared at his back.  
"You want me to join you?" Nicky asked him.   
"No" Shane replied, closing the door behind him.

Nicky stared at the door in shock. Something was definitely wrong with him. Shane had never walked away from him before.   
First, Shane ignored his pouting. Then he rejected his offer to shower with him... Again. Shane had been acting strange for a few days now.  
Shane said he had noticed something off about Kian's behavior and not told Nicky about it. And that morning by the pool... The brunette had been reluctant to kiss him in front of Kian. Plus, he had seen Shane hiding something in his suitcase. Something he hadn't wanted Nicky to see.

"It's nothing" Nicky told himself. "I'm just over reacting"

Shane closed the door behind him and locked it. He leaned back against the wall and froze. He quickly pushed away from the wall, having been leaning against the wall Kian had pushed him up against. He closed his eyes and sighed, tried to push the memory from his mind but couldn't.  
Shane walked over to the shower and turned the water on. He wondered how long he could continue this before Nicky began to get suspicious. He pulled his shirt off and tossed it on the ground. He turned around and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked like shit. He felt like shit. Shane shed the rest of his clothes and climbed into the shower.  
He sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands. He hated himself for what had happened. He knew he'd have to tell Nicky but he also knew it would break his heart. He had to tell him but he couldn't.   
Shane buried his face in his hands and began to cry.


	4. Chapter 4

When Shane finally emerged from the bathroom, Nicky was sitting on the couch listening to the TV. Shane paused and glanced at his reflection in the mirror. Thankfully no one could tell he had been crying, he held back a smile and approached Nicky.  
The blonde was lying on his back with his eyes closed but Shane knew he wasn't asleep. During his time in the shower, he had come up with an idea. He had to forget about what Kian had done to him and move on. He had to get it out of his system. Shane walked over to Nicky and looked down at him. He wondered if the blonde knew he was there.  
He leaned down and kissed Nicky's lips. His eyes flew open and he stared up at Shane. He returned the kiss as Shane's hands began to unbutton his shirt. The brunette pulled away and looked down at him.

"I'm sorry" Shane said, reaching out and lightly running his fingers through Nicky's blonde hair. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. I guess I've just had a few things on my mind. But that's no reason for me to treat you the way I did"  
"What do you mean?" Nicky asked.  
"Shhhh" Shane whispered. He kissed Nicky once more and smiled down at him. "Let's not talk right now. I just wanna be with you"

Shane climbed off Nicky and stood up. He helped his lover to his feet and pulled him into a hug. Nicky wrapped his arms around Shane and kissed him. The brunette reached out and grabbed Nicky's recently unbuttoned shirt. He pushed the shirt off his shoulders and allowed it to drop on the floor. He pulled away and removed his own shirt.  
The blonde licked his lips in anticipation as Shane reached out and slid his hand inside his pants. He pushed Nicky's pants down and the blonde stepped out of them. The younger boy's lips found his lover's neck and began to softly kiss the flesh. Nicky moaned and Shane smiled. He pulled Nicky close and led him over to the bed.  
Shane pushed him down then climbed on top of him. Nicky stared up at Shane, a hint of confusion in his eyes. The brunette unzipped his pants and shimmied out of them. He lay on top of Nicky, rubbing their hardness’s together. The older boy moaned and tossed his head back. Shane slid one finger into Nicky and continued kissing him.

"What?" Nicky whispered. "Now I'm not good enough for foreplay?"  
"You know you are" Shane replied. "But right now, I just wanna be inside you"

*****

Meanwhile in the room next door, Kian had just exited the bathroom. He had enjoyed a long wank in the shower and was now ready to go to bed. The events of the day played through his mind and he smiled. He knew Shane wouldn't be able to live with the guilt much longer and that he would soon confess to Nicky. Therefore, it also wouldn't be long before Shane was his once again. Kian climbed into bed and closed his eyes. He could feel a smile beginning to form but a noise from the next room caused it to fade.  
It wasn't just any noise. It was moaning. From the sounds of it, Shane and Nicky were really going at it. They sounded more violent than usual. Normally when Kian eavesdropped on their 'love making' it was just that. They were normally quieter than this. Kian smirked. Shane was obviously in need of something better. Like the kind of sex he used to have with Kian.   
He knew Shane would come back to him but something in his heart told him that Shane loved Nicky. That, no matter what happened, Shane would always love Nicky. Not that Kian cared much anymore. He just wanted to fuck Shane again.

Kian climbed out of bed and walked over to the chair. He had tossed his jacket there earlier. He picked his jacket up and searched the pockets. He found what he’d been looking for and smiled. Justin had never fucked him over before. He had no reason to doubt his 'friend'. He stared at the drug in his hand and smiled.  
'It's now or never' Kian thought. He would do it tomorrow. All he had to do was get Nicky out of the way for awhile and make his move.

The moaning in the next room began to get louder and Kian smirked. A plan was forming in his mind. Shane's need for hot sex had given him the perfect plan. He knew exactly how to distract Nicky... And he couldn't wait.  
Kian walked over to his bed and sat back down. He placed the small packet on the bedside table and lay down. He could still hear Shane and Nicky moaning next door. Kian slid his hand inside his boxers and began to stroke in time with Shane's moans.  
He closed his eyes and pictured Shane. He could hear Shane moaning and thought back to their encounter in the bathroom. He began to stroke himself faster, the whole time picturing Shane's face and body. He shot his load and wordlessly moaned Shane's name.

As he cleaned himself up, he smiled. This time tomorrow, Shane would be his and Nicky would be gone.

*****

Shane rolled off Nicky and lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. The blonde turned and lay on his stomach, watching his lover intently as he attempted to catch his breath. He reached up and wiped the thin layer of sweat from his forehead and smiled at Shane. The blonde reached out once more to place his hand on Shane's cheek. Shane pushed Nicky's hand aside and turned away from him.

"Shane?" Nicky asked. His lover didn't move or reply. 

Nicky stared at Shane for several minutes, a look of confusion playing on his features. He shook his head and lay down once more. He didn't see the tears rolling down Shane's cheeks.

******

When Kian awoke the following morning, he couldn't be happier. A good night's sleep helped him to refine his plan of action. He was eager to put his plan in motion but he needed some time. It was still too early. He climbed out of bed and made his way into the bathroom. He couldn't stop a smile from forming on his lips.  
After a nice long shower, he felt ready to make his move on Shane. But first things first. He knew he had to survive breakfast with Nicky and the other lads first. As he dressed for breakfast, he couldn't hold back a smile.  
The door separating his room from Shane and Nicky's flew open and Shane stormed into the room. Kian jumped from shock and dropped the shirt he was holding. Shane closed the door and turned to look at him.  
"I hate you so much right now" Shane told him.

Kian stared at Shane, not wanting to speak. Shane's voice was cold, icy and full of hatred. Kian averted his eyes. He had never known him to sound so angry.  
Shane leaned back against the door and glared at Kian. His eyes moved up and down his body, pausing to take in the sight of his muscular chest. Kian slowly bent down, picked up his shirt and pulled it on over his head.  
The brunette shifted uncomfortably; he was fully aware that Kian had noticed his staring. Kian sighed and looked at Shane, curiously.

"You came in here just to tell me that?" Kian asked him.  
"I... You..." Shane paused.  
"Does Nicky know you're here?"  
"Nicky loves me. He trusts me"  
"Does he know you're here?"  
"He... No. He doesn't"  
"And he trusts you? Is he gullible or what?"

Shane grabbed Kian by his shirt and forced him up against the wall.  
"You shut the hell up" Shane threatened.  
"He has no idea what kind of lying, cheating..." Kian began.   
"You have no idea what you're talking about" Shane cut him off. "I've never lied to him"  
"So... You told him about us then?"  
"Yes. You know that he knows about it"  
"And yesterday? He knows about that too?" Shane reluctantly loosened his grip on Kian and released him. "I didn't think so"  
"I will tell him. I just..."  
"Don't want him to know that you can't be trusted?"  
"I can. He does trust me. You had no right to do what you did"  
"Well, I didn't hear you complaining"  
"You bastard!"  
"So I'm a bastard, am I? I guess that just makes you my bitch then"  
"Fuck you, Ki"  
"Oh I know you want to. And your so-called 'love' for Nicky isn't exactly holding you back, now... Is it?"  
"You shut the hell up!"

Kian placed his hand on Shane's neck and in one swift movement, pulled him forward and kissed him. Shane instantly pulled away and glared at him in disgust.

"Stay the hell away from me... And from Nicky" Shane told him.  
"Nicky will never satisfy you the way I did" Kian sneered. "I guess I was just too much of a man for you. Something you can never turn Nicky into"  
"Shut up!"  
"Don't think I don't know what you're up to. I know what you want. What you need. And, I'm the only one man enough to give it to you"  
"I... You..."  
Shane turned on his heel and ran towards the door.  
"See? You can't deny it. You can't run from it, either!"

Shane threw open the door and disappeared down the hall. Kian watched him go but didn't try to follow or stop him. This had been an unexpected encounter. He needed to refine his plans once more. Kian's stomach grumbled. He hadn't realised just how hungry he was. Shane's visit had distracted him. He would refine his idea, after breakfast. He picked up his key and left his room, closing the door behind him.

*****

Nicky was the first to arrive for breakfast. He knocked on the door to Mark's room, expecting Shane to be there. Mark opened the door and Nicky's heart sank with disappointment. His dismay showed on his face.

"It's nice to see you too, Nicky" Mark greeted him.  
"What?" Nicky asked.

Mark stepped aside and allowed Nicky to enter his room. Nicky set himself down on the couch while Mark continued to stare at him, awaiting an answer.

"You look depressed" Mark stated.  
"It's nothing" Nicky replied, shifting uncomfortably.  
"Yeah. Right" Mark said, moving closer to Nicky. "So, where's your shadow?"  
"Excuse me?"  
"Shane. Where is he?"  
"Dunno. I woke up and he wasn't there"  
"And you didn't know what to do with yourself?"  
"I guess"  
"Nicky is everything okay? And I don't mean, you and Shane"   
"What are you talking about?" Nicky asked.  
"You just seem a little off"  
"Look, you don't need to know all this stuff"  
"I'm just concerned about you. You know that"  
"Well, I'm fine"  
"You sure?"  
"Yes"

Mark stepped closer to Nicky and sat down beside him on the couch. He looked Nicky in the eye, his own eyes full of concern.  
"You'd tell me if something was wrong or troubling you, right?" he asked him.  
"Of course I would" Nicky replied.

There was a loud knock at the door and it flew open. Bryan barged into the room, cutting their conversation short. Mark continued to stare at Nicky with concern in his eyes. Bryan eyed Mark and raised his eyebrow. The brunette shook his head, telling Bryan to forget about it. He nodded in understanding.

"Bry, what's up?" Nicky asked. "You look... puzzled?"  
"Is Shane okay?" Bryan asked.  
"Sure... I think so... Why?"  
"Well, I just saw him leaving Kian's room. And he looked furious"


	5. Chapter 5

When Shane arrived for breakfast, Nicky refused to look at him. The brunette was confused by his lover's behaviour but decided to wait until they were alone to question him. Mark decided to open a conversation however he had no idea what to say. Kian arrived not long after Shane.   
Nicky's attempts to not look at Shane stopped him from noticing that Shane was attempting not to look at Kian.

"What's up Shane?" Bryan ventured. "You look... off?"  
"I'm fine" he replied. "I've just got a bit of a headache"  
"You got some aspirin?"  
"Nah... I'm out" Shane said, glancing around the room. "Anyone got any?"

The room fell silent. Kian was practically bursting out of his skin. He slid his hand into his pocket and ran his finger along the packaging.

"I do" Kian said, softly.  
"May I?" Shane asked, not looking at him.  
"Sure"

Kian handed the 'aspirin' to Shane, using all his willpower to hold back a smile. Shane placed the tablet into his mouth and washed it down with a glass of water.

"You should go and lay down" Bryan told Shane.  
"I'll be fine" Shane replied.  
"I think you should" Nicky said, softly.  
"Yeah. Okay"  
"I... I'll check on you in awhile..."

Shane nodded before standing up. He turned and headed towards the door. Nicky's eyes followed Shane, he didn't look well. He really wanted to talk to Shane, wanted to know what was up with him. What had he been doing in Kian's room just now? What was Shane hiding from him?

The door closed behind him and the blonde shifted his gaze from the door to the floor. The four lads fell silent; the tension in the room was thick. Too thick. Kian couldn't put up with it any longer. He stood up and headed towards the door.   
Without looking at the other lads, he opened the door and disappeared down the hall.

*****

Nicky walked down the hall, his head low and a million questions rolling around his head. As he passed an open door, he felt a hand clamp over his arm and he was pulled into the room. It was a small room with no windows. Inside were two vending machines, one for soda and another for candy. Across from them was an ice machine.   
Nicky was forced up against the side of the candy machine. Once he regained his sense of direction, he discovered his 'attacker' was Kian. He found himself staring straight into his friends’ eyes.

"What the hell is your problem?" Nicky asked him.  
"You are" Kian replied.  
"Ki, what has gotten into you?"  
"I'm sorry. I just... I wanted to talk to you. Without Shane around"  
"What about?"  
"You're my friend and I don't want you to get hurt"  
"What are you talking about?"  
"I heard you and Shane... Last night..."

Nicky broke free of Kian's grip and pulled away from him. He pushed him aside and headed towards the door.  
"I always hear you" Kian stated. "But last night... Shane hasn't told you that he wants me back... has he?"  
"No” the older lad stopped walking. “He doesn't"  
"Shane's been acting weird around you. Hasn't he?"  
Nicky didn't reply. He didn't know what to say. Kian was right. Shane had been acting weird. Did he know the reason for Shane's behaviour?

"You remember the other day, when Shane wouldn't let you in the bathroom?"  
"How do you...?"  
"I was in there with him"  
"NO!"  
"He wants me. He's sick and tired and bored of you. He wants a man. He needs a man"  
"And... And I guess… You're that man?" Nicky choked.  
"You bet I am"  
"No! Shane loves me. He would never do that to me"  
"Then what was with that 'hot, animal sex' that the two of you had last night? That's what Shane and I had. He's trying to turn you into me"  
"No!"  
"So, you don't believe me?"  
"Sh... Shane loves me" Nicky stammered. "He would, he would never hurt me like, like that. He'd never cheat on me. Especially not with someone like you"  
"You don't sound so sure of that" Kian told him. "You can't satisfy him the way I can. He needs to be with me"  
"You shut the fuck up!"  
“How else would I know about the bathroom?”  
“I… Lucky guess?”  
“I was on my knees with his cock in my mouth”  
“No… There’s no…”

Tears were forming in Nicky's eyes. He couldn't stand being around him anymore, didn’t want to hear anymore of Kian's lies. The older boy turned and ran from the room. Kian smirked to himself, watching as Nicky ran to the stairwell, threw open the door and disappeared from sight.

Kian returned to his room and sat down on his bed. He kept a close eye on the window and waited until Nicky had disappeared around the corner. He continued smiling to himself; he now had Nicky out of the way. All he had to do was wait for the drug to take effect.   
In less than an hour, he would be making love to Shane.... And all this would have been worth it.

******

Kian remained in his room until he was certain the drug would have started working. He opened the door separating his room from Shane's, slipped inside and made his way over to the bed. The brunette was sleeping peacefully. Kian reached out and gently ran his hand down Shane's cheek. The sleeping singer stirred and opened his eyes.

"I told you I'd come check on you" Kian whispered, praying he sounded like Nicky.  
"I knew you would" Shane replied. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately. Kian's been chasing after me, claiming he wants me back"  
"And you don't want him?"  
"I don't need him" Shane told him. "I've got you. And you complete me. I love you, Nix"  
"And I love you" Kian told him.  
"Make love to me Nicky"

Kian's hands roamed every inch of Shane's body, holding him close and covering his skin with kisses. He had missed this. He felt whole again. He was in Shane's arms, home, where he belonged.

******

Nicky wiped the tears from his eyes and cursed himself for believing Kian's story. Shane would never do that to him.  
"Shane loves me" Nicky whispered.   
He sighed and rubbed his eyes once more. He knew he was acting childish, that he shouldn't have walked out. He should have talked to Shane. Nicky stood up and slowly began to walk back to the hotel.

*

Kian's lips met with Shane's in a hot, passionate kiss. He pushed himself deep inside the brunette as he ran his hands through Shane's short hair. They moaned into each other's mouths, turning each other on. Shane wrapped his legs around Kian, pulling him closer and urging him deeper. The blonde forced himself as deep as he could into Shane, hitting his prostate and causing the older lad to groan with excitement.   
Kian slowly began to trail kisses down Shane's neck, while thrusting in and out of his ass.

*

Nicky reached out and unlocked the door to his room. He had told Shane he would check on him and he hadn't. He felt a tinge of guilt as he opened the door and stepped into the room. His guilt instantly vanished.  
"Harder" Shane groaned.

Nicky's eyes instantly filled with tears once again. The sight in front of him was one he would take to the grave. Shane and Kian were in bed together. Both men were naked; Kian was on top of Shane with his cock deep inside him. Nicky clamped his hand over his mouth, silencing his shock. He suddenly didn't want them to know he was there. He took a step back and pulled the door closed behind him.

Once he was in the hall, Nicky sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands. Just when he had thought he had no more tears to shed, a floodgate in his heart had opened. He was blinded by his tears and his heart was officially broken.

*

Kian shot his load into Shane and they shared one final kiss. The brunette lay on his back, completely exhausted. Kian glanced at the clock and, with a sinking heart, realised that his time was almost up. He held Shane in his arms until the older boy had fallen asleep then he climbed out of bed and collected his discarded clothes.  
With one final look at Shane, Kian bent down and softly kissed his forehead. Then he turned and left the room, returning to his own through the connecting doors. He walked directly into the bathroom and took a nice, long, relaxing shower.

"Mission accomplished"

*****

Mark was making his way back up to his room. The lift doors opened and he stepped into the hallway. Halfway down the hall, he could see a familiar figure sitting on the floor. His back was pressed against the wall with his face buried in his hands. He covered the distance between them and fell to the floor beside him. Mark didn’t ask any questions as he slid his arm around Nicky’s shoulder, attempting to comfort him. In turn, Nicky returned the hug and buried his face in Mark's chest.

"Nicky," Mark began. "What happened?"  
"I... He..." Nicky sobbed.  
"Shhhhh... Its’ okay"   
"No. It's not"  
"Nicky..."  
"No"

Mark held Nicky tighter, offering as much comfort as he could. It was obvious that Nicky was too upset to talk about it so he simply held him. He didn't know what else to say or do. If Nicky wanted to talk to him and tell him about it, then he would.

**

When Shane awoke, he was surprised to find the bed empty beside him. He blinked several times and wiped the sleep from his eyes. He yawned and glanced around the room. The room was empty with so sign of Nicky. He sat up and his eyes quickly scanned the floor. His clothes had been discarded all over the place but Nicky's clothes were nowhere to be found. Shane had to assume Nicky had dressed and gone out. He turned and looked at the clock. It was almost time for dinner. He couldn't believe he had slept the entire day away. He climbed out of bed and made his way into the bathroom. He would have a shower then go and find the others.

*****

Mark, Bryan and Kian were all seated in Mark's room, each deciding what to order for dinner. Shane opened the door and entered the room. He instantly noticed that Nicky wasn't there but he quickly hid his disappointment. Kian held back the urge to run over to the brunette and kiss him.   
Kian had spent the entire afternoon thinking it over and he knew he had to move on but he was finding it too hard. He kept telling himself to move on. He had wanted Shane one last time and now he had had him… End of story.

"Hey lads" Shane greeted them.  
"Hey" Bryan replied.

Kian averted his eyes and stared at the floor. Mark looked at Shane and was instantly reminded of his encounter with Nicky earlier. He nodded his greeting but didn't say anything.

After ordering their meals, they waited in silence for them to arrive. Shane stared eagerly at the door, anxious for Nicky to appear. When there was a knock at the door Shane raced to answer it. It was their food. Shane took the trolley and pulled it into the room.  
The four men crowded around, collecting their meals. Shane selected a bowl of soup and walked over to the table. He sat down and picked up a spoon. Before he could eat any, the door opened and Nicky entered the room. Shane dropped his spoon and looked up at him. He instantly knew that Nicky had been crying. He jumped to his feet and stared at him.

"Nicky… Baby?" Shane began. "What's wrong?"


	6. Chapter 6

The entire room fell silent. Nicky simply stared at Shane. He couldn't speak for fear of crying again, couldn't believe Shane could just stand there and act like nothing had happened, like he hadn't done anything wrong.

"You've been crying" Shane stated. "What's happened? Are you okay?"  
Shane's voice was filled with concern. He couldn't understand why the older boy was so upset. He tenderly reached out and placed his hand on Nicky's cheek. The blonde reached out and slapped Shane's hand aside. Shane looked at him with confusion in his eyes.

"Don't Touch Me" Nicky said, his teeth clenched and his voice full of anger and hatred.  
"Nicky, what is it?" Shane asked.

Mark, Bryan and Kian watched the two lads in silence. Mark knew that Nicky was still upset; Bryan could tell that something was wrong and Kian was grinning from ear to ear. Shane glanced at the others and noticed Kian's smile. He turned back to Nicky and awaited an explanation. Nicky's eyes were still glistening with tears. Shane's heart sank. He needed to know what was wrong with his boyfriend.

"Nicky... honey," Shane began. "Please, talk to me. You walk in here crying and won't tell me what's wrong. How can I help you if you won't talk to me?"  
Nicky clenched his hand into a fist and punched him. Shane's hand flew to his face. He stared up at Nicky in shock. His lip was throbbing. He pulled his hand away and discovered his lip was bleeding.

Kian stepped forward, grabbed Nicky, twisted his arm behind his back and held him in place. 

"Nix?" Shane whispered, staring at the blood on his hand. "Kian, let go of him"  
"Asshole" Kian snapped at Nicky. "How dare you do that to him?"  
"How dare you do that to me?" Nicky shot back.  
"What are you talking about?" Shane asked him.

Kian slowly released Nicky. He knew what was coming. Nicky was going to end it with Shane. It took all of his willpower to hold back another smile.

"I thought you loved me" Nicky told Shane.  
"I do" Shane replied.  
"That's what I thought. But if you did... love me... Then you would never do anything to hurt me. You would never cheat on me"  
Shane's heart sank. He had a bad feeling that he knew where this conversation was heading.  
"I... I would never cheat on you" Shane insisted, his voice shaking.

"Yeah" Nicky continued. "So when Kian told me that you and he were in the bathroom... together... yesterday, I didn't believe him. Well, a part of me did believe him. But I didn't want to. I... I told myself that he was lying"  
"Nicky. I'm so sorry" Shane cut in.  
"I was convinced that he was lying... Until I saw the two of you with my own eyes"  
"What? You weren't..."  
"I'm talking about this afternoon! When I walked in and saw the two of you having sex in our room"  
"No. We didn't"  
"I saw you!"  
"I swear. I... I didn't. It was you"  
"Bullshit!"

Shane turned his attention to Kian. He was smiling like he had never smiled before. Like the cat that ate the canary. Shane walked over to Kian and slammed him up against the wall.

"You did this!" Shane stated.  
"No shit" Kian replied.  
"What did you do?"  
Shane released Kian as a flood of soup washed over him. He turned and saw Nicky standing beside him, holding his soup bowl. He stared at Nicky in disbelief.

"You stay the hell away from me" Nicky hissed. He dropped the empty bowl and walked towards the door.  
"Nicky!" Shane called after him. The blonde spun around and glared at Shane.  
"No, there's nothing you can say or do to fix this. You said that you would always love me and would never do anything to hurt me"  
"I didn't mean..."  
"You fucked Kian! If you ever come near me again, I will kill you!"

Tears began to roll down his cheeks once more. Shane reached out to comfort him but Nicky pulled away from him. Nicky turned around once more and opened the door. Then he disappeared down the hall, the door clicking closed behind him.

*****

Mark and Bryan shifted their gaze from the door to Shane and Kian. Shane grabbed the blonde once more and slammed him back against the wall. Mark stole a side-ways glance at Bryan and noticed that he looked as confused as Mark felt.

"What did you do?" Shane hissed. "I know you did something. Now tell me what it was!"  
"I didn't do anything" Kian said. "I guess it was more than a headache you had this morning"  
"The aspirin!" Shane realised. "The aspirin that *you* gave me. It wasn't really aspirin, was it?"  
"What are you saying, Shane?" Bryan spoke up.  
"That he drugged me!" Shane told Bryan.

Mark and Bryan exchanged a look. They both found it hard to believe that Kian would do something like that but it was also hard to believe that Shane would intentionally cheat on Nicky. The brunette shifted his gaze from Kian and turned his attention to his band mates. Neither of them said anything for a moment. Then Bryan broke the silence.

"I warned you, Shane" Bryan said.  
"What?" Shane asked.  
"The day you and Nicky came out to us," Bryan continued. "Do you remember what I said to you?"  
"I... Uh..." Shane sighed. "No, I don't"  
"I believe," Mark began. "That Bryan's exact words were 'If you break his heart, I'll break your legs.' And believe me, he will"

Kian couldn't take it anymore. His smile widened and he began to laugh.  
Shane turned to the hysterical Kian and glared at him. Without hesitating, he released Kian then punched him. Hard. The blood from Kian's nose ended up on Shane's hand but he didn't care.

"If you come near me again, *I'll* break *your* legs!" Shane told him.  
Shane turned on his heel and hurried from the room, desperate to find Nicky and explain.

******

Nicky returned to his room and pushed the door closed. He crossed the room and picked up his suitcase. The blonde tossed the case down on the bed and opened it then he began to storm around the room collecting his clothes and various other belongings.  
The door opened and Shane appeared. Nicky looked up and their eyes met. The older lad instantly averted his eyes, Shane's hair and clothes were covered with soup. The soup he, Nicky, had thrown over him. He ignored the brunette and continued packing.

"Nicky," Shane began. "Can we please talk about this?"  
"I have nothing to say to you" Nicky replied.  
"Well, I have something to say to you"  
"I don't wanna hear it"

Nicky turned and opened the drawer. He collected an arm full of clothes and turned back to his suitcase. He tossed the clothes inside and slammed the case shut.  
"Nicky!" Shane stated. Nicky ignored him and started to pick the case up. Shane threw his hand on top of the suitcase and pushed it back onto the bed. Nicky released it and looked at the younger boy.

"I'm sorry" Shane began.  
"It's a little late for that now" Nicky replied.  
"Nicky, please?"  
"Shane, you had sex with Kian"  
"I swear, I didn't know it was him. He drugged me"  
"And I suppose he drugged you in the bathroom too"  
"No. That... that was just me, being me"  
"I've heard enough"

Nicky picked up his suitcase. Shane grabbed it again and tried to prise it out of his lover's grip. Nicky threw his weight against the case, taking Shane by surprise. The brunette lost his footing and fell backwards. Nicky turned on his heel and, leaving Shane in a confused state on the floor, picked up his suitcase and stormed out of the room.

*****

After he had showered and washed the soup from his hair, Shane felt he was ready to try talking to Nicky again. He thought for a moment and decided the blonde would have gone to Bryan's room. His heart sank a little further at this thought. There was no way Bryan would let him see Nicky but he knew that he needed to try.  
Shane dried his hair on his towel and tossed it aside. He walked over to the door and opened it. Kian was standing in the hall.

"Stay away from me" Shane said to him.  
"I didn't say anything" Kian replied.  
"Well, you were about to"  
"You're running after Nicky?"  
"What do you think?"  
"Well he's not there"  
"Not where?"  
"Bryan's room"  
"Then where is he?"  
"You really think I'm gonna tell you. He doesn't want to see you. He doesn't want to see either of us right now. So how about we go back to my room and pass the time by fucking each other's brains out"   
"God, is that all you think about?" Shane snapped. "Get over yourself Kian. There's nothing between us. What happened is over. I never wanna see you ever again. If you've destroyed everything that Nicky and I had together then I will do everything I can to make the rest of your life a living hell"  
Shane turned on his heel and wandered down the hall. He paused outside the door to Bryan's room and knocked.

"Nicky?" Bryan's voice asked. The door opened and Bryan appeared. When he saw Shane, his face fell.  
"Where's Nicky?" Shane asked him.  
"I... I was hoping you were him. I haven't seen him"  
"But... He packed up and left at least fifteen minutes ago"  
"Well, he didn't come here"  
"Then where would he go? He always goes to you"  
"Maybe he went to see Mark?"  
"God, I hope so"

Shane turned on his heel but Bryan reached out and placed his hand on Shane's arm.  
"Let me go" Bryan said. "If he is there, he's not going to tell you, is he?"  
"I guess"  
"Just, wait here. I'll be right back"

Shane stepped aside and watched Bryan make his way down the hall towards Mark's room. Bryan knocked on the door and disappeared into the room. He slowly began to pace up and down the length of the hall. Bryan appeared a few minutes later and Shane practically pounced on him.

"Is he okay?" Shane asked.  
"He wasn't there" Bryan replied.  
"What?"  
"Mark said he hadn't seen him"  
"Bry, please? If you're lying to me because you don't want me to see him..."  
"No, I'm serious Shane. Nicky isn't there and Mark hasn't seen him"  
"But where..." Shane trailed off. "Kian"  
"Kian?" Bryan asked.

Shane ran down the hall, Bryan followed close behind. Shane stopped outside Kian's room and began to pound on the door. He waited impatiently for Kian to open the door. 

"Decided to take me up on my offer, huh?" Kian greeted him.  
"Fuck you!" Shane spat back. "Have you seen Nicky?"  
"God, every second word from your mouth is 'Nicky'. Do you not care about me at all?"  
"I don't give a damn about you right now. Nicky's missing. I need to find him. Have you seen him?"  
"No"  
"Then how did you know he wasn't in Bryan's room?"  
"Cause I saw him on the street"  
"What?"  
"Out the window, he had his suitcase and was climbing in to a taxi"

"He... he left the hotel?" Bryan cut in.  
"You didn't seriously think he'd hang around after what Shane did to him. Did you?" Kian asked.   
"I didn't do anything" Shane spat at Kian.

"Oh, Shane," Kian stated. "Are you stupid or something?"  
"Shut up, Ki" Bryan shouted. "We have to find him. And fast"  
"I'd better find Anto and tell him what's happened" Shane ventured. "Maybe he can get Fran and Paul to help us look. He couldn't have gone too far"  
"What exactly are you gonna say to them?" Bryan asked him.  
"The truth" Shane replied.


	7. Chapter 7

Nicky unlocked the door to his new room and turned the light on. The room was tiny. It had a bed and a table. No phone, no television, no mini-bar. The person at reception hadn't recognised him for who he was and didn't ask for I.D. either. In this room he was no longer 'Nicky Byrne' in here, he was known as 'Max Lucca'.  
He dumped his suitcase on the floor and walked over to the bed. He lay down and noted the mattress felt like it was filled with rocks. His mind began to wonder and he found himself thinking of Shane.  
He buried his face in his 'paper-thin' pillow and began to cry.

*****

"What the hell were you thinking?" Anto shouted at Shane.  
"God, Anto" Shane began. "I don't need this right now"  
"And you think I do?"  
"No. I'm sorry, Okay? But Nicky is out there somewhere and we have to find him"  
"I... I just, I don't understand you. How could you do something like this to him?"  
"I honestly didn't know"  
"Well, I find it hard to believe that Kian would do something like this either"  
"Anto… I'm really sorry. Okay? But I know that right now isn't the time for apologies. All I want to do, is find Nicky and make sure he's okay"  
"I know. And we will find him"  
"Yeah, I just hate the idea of him being out there, alone, and mad at me. What if he does something stupid? What if he gets hurt and can't find help? What if he-"  
"Shane," Anto interrupted. "Will you stop it with the 'what ifs'? Nicky'll be fine. He's not stupid. He's just upset. But don't worry, We'll find him"

*****

Nicky didn't sleep at all. He hated his new accommodation but he didn't want to leave it either. He knew no one would ever think to look here for him, not even Shane.  
Just thinking about him bought tears to Nicky's eyes. Each time he closed them and tried to fall asleep, the image of Shane and Kian together filled his head and he felt like screaming.

He ventured out if the 'hotel' early the next morning. He hadn't eaten any dinner or lunch the previous day so he knew he needed breakfast. He walked to the corner store then decided to the visit the McDonalds on the other corner. He purchased his food and picked up a paper then settled down in the corner, hiding behind his paper and began to eat. Despite his not eating the day before, he really wasn't hungry.

"You can't disappear that easily"  
Nicky froze. Someone had found him. Already? No. He knew that voice but it definitely didn't belong to anyone he knew from work. He slowly lowered his paper and almost choked.

"David?" Nicky coughed. "David O'Neill?"  
"Hey Niko" David replied. "Glad to see you still remember me"  
"Remember you. How could I forget? I'm surprised you remember me"  
"Well, how could I forget you? You were my giant tenth grade crush"  
"What?"

By now David had settled himself in a chair beside Nicky and they had lowered their voices.  
"Yeah, tenth grade. We were in the same English class. We were 'study-buddies'. Remember?"  
"God, that's right. And one night when we were studying," Nicky lowered his voice even further "you kissed me"  
"Excuse me? You kissed me, remember?"

Nicky realized now would be the best time to change the subject.  
"So, what are you doing here?" he asked him.  
"In between jobs at the moment" David told him. "Taking a bit of a break. What about you? Still football mad?"  
"Yeah. But I'm in a band now"  
"Really? I knew you would be"  
"What?"  
"Come on, everyone at school knew you would make something of yourself. You had the best voice in the year... make that the school"  
"If you say so"  
"Ok, so... you single?"  
"Oh, that's subtle"  
"Well, I need to know if I would still stand a chance. That is, if I had stayed gay"  
"What?"  
"Yeah. I realised guys just weren't my thing. What about you?"

 

Nicky's thoughts quickly returned to Shane and he felt his eyes filling with tears. He tried to blink them back before answering.  
"Uh, yeah. I'm single right now" Nicky managed to choke out.  
"What happened? Someone break your heart?" David asked.  
"Something like that"  
"You wanna talk about it?"  
"Not here"  
"Well, come on. Let's get out of here. We'll talk somewhere else"  
"You sure?"  
"Got nothing better to do"

*****

Shane stayed out longer than the other lads. Mark and Bryan had returned to the hotel around 3am. Fran and Paul hadn't lasted much longer and returned around 4am. Anto had remained at the hotel in case Nicky decided to return. Kian had been against the search and stayed in bed. Shane refused to give up his search. He visited every hotel in town but couldn't find Nicky. He had called the airlines too, in case Nicky had flown back home but he hadn't. Shane felt he was close to panicking. Nicky had disappeared and Shane was on the verge of hysteria. He returned to hotel well after 6am, feeling lost and helpless.

"How the hell could I have been so stupid?" Shane asked himself.  
"You don't really love him" Kian spoke up.

Shane spun around and found Kian sitting on his bed. Shane glared at him but decided to keep his distance.  
"What are you doing in here?" Shane asked.  
"Waiting for you" Kian replied.  
"Get out!" Kian stood up and smiled at him.  
"I know you're worried about Nicky. But I wouldn't waste my time. Nicky obviously doesn't care about you. He just took off and didn't even tell you where he was going"  
"He was upset and I was an idiot"  
"I'm sorry I upset you. I just wanted you back"  
"Get out!"

Shane opened the door and pointed into the hall, glaring at him. Kian stared at him for a moment. He sighed and headed towards the door.  
"I love you. More than he ever did" Kian said as he passed. Shane slammed the door shut in his face.

******

Nicky began to lead David back to his hotel room. He had contemplated finding somewhere outside but opted not to. Nicky knew Shane would be out looking for him, the last thing he wanted to do was allow Shane to find him.

"Hey, where exactly are we going?" David asked him.  
"Em, back to... my hotel room" Nicky stammered.  
"You... you're staying here? In this dump?"  
"Em... Yeah"  
"Why?"  
"Well... we really need to talk. I'll explain everything"  
"Ok. But there's no way I'm going in there. It's a dump!"  
"Hey!"  
"Come on, we'll go to my room"  
"Where are you staying?"  
"Down there"

David pointed to another hotel further down the street. Nicky nodded and followed him down the street. All the while keeping an eye out for anyone who might recognise him.

*****

Shane tried to sleep but he couldn't. He had been out all night looking for Nicky but he wasn't tired. Well, he was tired but he couldn't sleep, not until he knew Nicky was okay.  
He was furious at himself for what happened, furious at Kian for using him like that and furious at Nicky for leaving but he knew he wasn't really angry with Nicky. He just wanted to talk to him. He wanted to sort things out but he had to find him first.  
Shane slowly climbed out of bed and began to get dressed. He would stay out as long as he had to to find him.

*****

David led Nicky into his room and told him to sit down. Nicky surveyed the room and noted that it wasn't much better than his own room. He sat down in one of the chairs while David sat down opposite him.

"So, where do you wanna start?" he asked.  
"I don't know" Nicky replied.  
"Come on. You can tell me anything. You said someone broke your heart?"  
"Yeah"  
"What happened?"  
"I should have known better," Nicky began. "What did I do wrong?"  
"I... I don't know. You tell me," David coaxed.  
"His ex is in the band with us. It was only a matter of time before they got back together"  
"Oh, Niko"  
"They... they were together but secretly. None of us knew about it. They broke up and decided to move on. I only knew about it because he told me"  
"So, what happened?"  
"I caught them having sex in our room"  
"I'm so sorry Niko"  
"Will you stop calling me that?"  
"Fine, Nicky... What did you do about it?"  
"I confronted him about it and he denied it. Said he'd been drugged. Then I packed my bag and left the hotel. Now, I'm hiding out in that dump... Somewhere he'd never think to look for me"  
"And if he does find you?"  
"I guess I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it"

*****

Mark knocked on the door to Kian's room and waited for him to open it. Several minutes passed before Kian appeared and let Mark in. The blonde wandered over to his bed and sat down.

"Was it drugs?" Mark asked him, not looking at Kian.  
"Why do you want to know?" Kian replied.  
"I just find it hard to believe that Shane would do something like that to Nicky but I'm also finding it hard to believe that you would do something like that to them"

Kian turned away from Mark, refusing to meet his gaze. He had known Mark for years and he didn't want to lie to him. His friendship with Mark was just as important as his feelings for Shane.

"I... I just wanted him back" Kian admitted.  
"Back?" Mark asked, confused.  
"Shane was with me before he moved on to Nicky"  
"What? Why didn't you say something to me?"  
"We decided to keep it to ourselves. We didn't tell anyone. I was in love with him... I was totally infatuated with him but one day he left me. He told me that he had never loved me and that it had just been about the sex. I mean, I know it had started out like that. We just got together to fuck each other... But I found myself falling for him"  
"And now you think that he left you for Nicky?"  
"Yes, well... No but yes"  
"Kian?"  
"He left me a few months before he got together with Nicky but..."  
"You were still upset... You were hurting and still wanted to be with him. While he was single, there was a small part of your mind that kept reminding you he wasn't with anyone and that you could still have him back. Then... He moved on and found Nicky. He was no longer available to you and you started to get jealous"

"I love him, Mark. I miss him so much but... He's so happy with Nicky. What's wrong with me? Why couldn't I make him happy?"  
"Ki, there is nothing wrong with you"  
"Shane is furious at me... Not that I can blame him. And now that Nicky's missing, Shane hates me even more"  
"Hey, Nicky's disappearance wasn't your fault. Okay, you made a mistake. You wanted Shane back but he's not yours anymore. He's with Nicky now... Why can't you respect his decision?"  
"I... I just thought that maybe... I could make him love me again"  
"You can't force someone to love you"  
"Why not?"

Mark held back a sigh. He had finally managed to look at his friend and his heart sank. Kian was sitting on his bed, his legs tucked up to his chest. His deep blue eyes filled with tears.  
"Oh, Kian"   
Mark sat down beside his friend and pulled him into a hug. Kian tried to pull away from him but Mark refused to let go. He tightened his grip on Kian, reassuringly holding him close. He turned in Mark's embrace, burying his face in his chest.  
Mark slowly raised his hand and lightly began to stroke Kian's hair. He had no intention of getting involved in this mess. He hadn't wanted to stick his nose in to something that didn't involve him but it was too late now. Kian was obviously distressed and Mark wasn't going to leave his friend alone at a time like this.


	8. Chapter 8

Later that afternoon, Bryan wandered around the hotel looking for his band mates. Shane was no where to be found and he assumed he had gone out to look for Nicky. There had been no answer to his knocking on Kian's door and Mark wasn't in his room either.  
Bryan walked out the front door of the hotel and climbed into a taxi. He told the driver where he wanted to go and pulled his wallet from his pocket. He located a photo of Nicky then put his wallet away. He was going to do all he could to find Nicky and make him come back to Shane.

*

Bryan climbed out of the taxi and walked down the street. He knew Nicky wouldn't have gone far and that he would head somewhere out of the ordinary. The blonde wouldn't want to be found. But right now, Bryan didn't care if Nicky didn't want to be found. He was going to find him even if it took all day.

The singer made his way through town, stopping into the reception of each hotel he passed. He showed Nicky's picture to everyone, asking if they'd seen him. After three hours, he had some success.

"Yeah, I seen him" the receptionist said. "He was with one of our guests... a David O'Neill"  
"He came in here... with a guy?" Bryan asked.  
"Yep... Room 17"  
"Thanks"  
Bryan headed through the hotel and stopped outside room 17. He raised his hand and knocked on the door.

*****

"So, are you going to go back to him?" David asked Nicky. The blonde shrugged.  
"I guess..." Nicky admitted. "I mean, I can't exactly walk out on a recording contract"

Knock, Knock!  
"Are you expecting someone?" Nicky asked him.  
"Nope" Dave replied. He stood up, walked over to the door and opened it.

"Bryan?" Nicky asked, panic filling his face.  
"Nicky?" Bryan replied. "Oh thank god!"  
David shifted his gaze from Bryan to Nicky and back again.

"Is this him?" Dave asked.  
"No, he's a friend" Nicky replied. "How did you find me?"  
"I'm here alone and I went from door to door, showing your picture until someone recognized you... I'm surprised you've shacked up with someone else already"  
"Bryan, this is David. We went to school together"  
"Oh"

"Nicky" Bryan began. "Please come back with me? Shane's a wreck and he needs to talk to you"  
"Bry, I don't want to see him. Nothing he can say to me will change what he did" Nicky replied.  
"But I don't think it was his fault"  
"He was fucking Kian... How is that not his fault?"  
"Nicky..." Bryan sighed. "I found something, by accident, in Kian's suitcase. He's been videotaping Shane, like in the shower"  
"What?"  
"From what I've over-heard... Kian and Shane used to be together and now Kian wants him back. Shane loves you, not him"  
"But he fucked him, Bry. I saw them together..."  
"Shane says he was drugged... I don't know if I believe that or not. I can't imagine Kian drugging Shane to get him into bed but I can't imagine Shane betraying you, Nicky"  
"Neither could I until I saw it with my own eyes"  
"Just talk to him. He loves you"  
"Stop saying that! If he loves me, he wouldn't have hurt me like that!"

*****

Shane lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The tears were steadily flowing down his cheeks but he didn't even bother trying to stop them. He'd screwed up and made a mistake. A terrible mistake. As he lay on his back, he closed his eyes. He wished Nicky were here with him right now. He wanted to explain, to apologise and to beg for his forgiveness. If the blonde didn't forgive him, Shane knew his life wouldn't be worth living anymore. He couldn't live his life without his love.

"Knock, knock" Kian appeared in the doorway.  
Shane groaned and sat up.  
"Fuck off, Kian" Shane spat.  
"Now, now... Is that any way to speak to your lover?"  
"You are not my lover! Nicky is!"

"But Shane" Kian entered the room, approaching the brunette. "You love me. I had you long before Nicky and I will have you long after him"  
"Fuck you"  
"Yes, you will"

"I don't get it, Ki" Shane said, defeated. "What is wrong with you? Why can't you accept that I'm with Nicky now? That I love Nicky!"  
"But you loved me once"  
"No, I... I didn't. And, I didn't think you loved me. We agreed it was just a comfort thing"  
"It meant more to me than just comfort"  
"I'm sorry, I didn't know"  
"Well... If it was a comfort thing, and you're upset now... Can I offer you a comfort shag?"

Shane stood up and walked to the door of his room. He opened it and stepped out into the hall, trying to distance himself from Kian.

**

Bryan and Nicky entered the hotel and rounded the corner in time to see Shane exit their room. The blonde didn't know what to say or do. His jaw dropped in shock when Kian exited the room after Shane and grabbed his arm. Bryan and Nicky both stepped back; Shane and Kian were oblivious to their presence.

"Nicky's gone, Shane" Kian told him. "Forget about him and come back to me"  
"No" Shane pulled his arm out of Kian's grasp.  
"I love you, Shane. I always have and I miss being with you"  
"I'm sorry, Ki. But I don't love you. I love Nicky. I want to be with Nicky. I want to find some way to make this right with him. I want him to know that I made a mistake. One that I will never make again but, even if he can't or won't forgive me... There's not going to be another 'you and me'. If I can't have Nicky, then I don't want anyone. He's the only one for me and the only one I want to be with. I'm sorry, Ki. I really am but what you did was wrong. It was beyond wrong. You had no right to do what you did to me, no matter how you felt for me. Trying to come between me and Nicky was despicable! And I hate you so much right now that I might never be able to forgive you...."

With that, Shane turned and walked away from Kian.

***

Kian watched Shane leave, his heart pounding in his chest. He felt low. He knew he'd done wrong but, at the time he hadn't cared. He'd been so caught up in the idea of getting Shane back that he hadn't wanted to accept that he could lose the brunette altogether. He turned on his heel and went back into his own room.

There was a knock on the door a moment later. Kian opened it and was shocked to find Nicky standing in the hall.

"Hi" Nicky greeted him.  
"Hey" Kian replied.  
"Can we talk?"  
Kian stepped aside and allowed Nicky to enter his room.

"Why did you do it?" Nicky asked.  
"Do what?" Kian replied.  
"Ki, when did your obsession become more important than Shane's happiness?"  
"I wanted to believe that he wasn't happy... That being with me would make him happy"  
"And did it?"  
"No"  
"So you... You drugged him?"  
"Yes"  
"How? Why?"  
"The aspirin I gave him for his headache... I just wanted to be with him, one last time. I thought that, if we could be together just once more, he'd remember how much he loved me... But in the end, I had to trick him into thinking I was you! It was the only way he'd give himself to me"  
"Shouldn't that have been a hint for you?"  
"I didn't care... About you or him... I just wanted to make myself happy"  
"And did you?"  
"For those few stolen moments, I was... I was very happy"  
"But it wasn't real"  
"No"  
"I heard you out in the hall just now... Shane's right, what you did to us was despicable. I want to be mad at both of you but in less than two days, we have to go back to work. So we're going to have to call something of a truce"  
"So... You'll forgive me?"  
"Maybe... Not right away anyway. But it won't be easy to stay mad..."

"If you" Kian began. "If you saw us in the hall just now... Why did you come here to talk to me first? Why didn't you go to Shane?"  
"I wanted your perspective... I believe Shane was being honest out there, about how he feels about me... and... I don't know... I guess I wanted to make sure you were okay..."  
Kian nodded.

"You, uh, you really love him..." Kian asked. "Don't you?"  
"Yes" Nicky replied.  
"He makes your life worth living?"  
"He does"  
"I know the feeling"  
"For what it's worth... I'm sorry things turned out this way. I never meant for you to get caught up in all this. I only ever wanted to be with him. To love him and be loved by him"  
"Well... At least one of us got what we wanted"

*****

Mark was sitting on his bed, reading a book when the door opened and Kian entered the room. The blonde's eyes were filled with tears.  
"Shane loves Nicky" Kian confessed. "Not me"

Mark closed his book and looked at his distraught friend. Without saying a word, he held his arms out for Kian. The blonde crossed the room and climbed onto the bed beside the brunette. Mark folded his arms around his friend and gently began to stroke his fingers through Kian's hair.

"I love him, Mark" Kian sobbed. "Why won't he love me back?"  
The brunette didn't know what to say. He hoped the question was rhetorical. As he lay back on the bed, he pulled Kian down with him and they both lay on the bed in a comfortable silence.

"I feel like crap" Kian eventually broke the silence. "I'm worse than crap"  
"No you're not" Mark told him. "You just... The two of you don't belong together is all. That doesn't make you crap"  
"I don't deserve to be loved... I treated my own friends like garbage and now they hate me"  
"They'll get over it... Did uh did you apologize?"  
"No, I figured no amount of apologizing could fix this"  
"It never hurts to try"  
"I'm so screwed up"  
"And who isn't these days?"  
"You, for one... Your life is perfect and mine is crap. Do you know what it feels like to be so deeply in love with someone and having to watch them making eyes at another?"  
"I... I, uh, I can imagine... I suppose. It can't be easy"  
"It's not"

Mark leaned down and kissed Kian's forehead.  
"Nicky's gone to talk to Shane" Kian told Mark.  
"Nicky's back?"  
"Yeah, he came back and he came to talk to me... He heard me and Shane arguing in the hall. Shane said to me that he'd rather be alone than be with me... But he and Nicky are going to make up now then get back together. And then they'll decide just how much they hate me and they'll tell me they don't want me around anymore and you'll all throw me out of the band"  
"No"  
"No?"  
"No... I won't let that happen to you"  
"You won't?"  
"Course not... I'll look after you"  
"Why are you still being so nice to me... After what I did to them?"  
"Because you're my friend"

Kian smiled and settled down in Mark's embrace.  
"Can we say here for a while?" Kian asked.  
"Stay here?"  
"Like this... I don't feel so bad right now, even though I should. I just want to lay here for a few more minutes and pretend that everything is okay right now"  
"We can stay here as long as you need to"  
"Thanks Mark"  
"You're welcome"


	9. Chapter 9

Nicky climbed the stairs, heading for the roof. He pushed open the door and stepped onto the landing. He blinked to adjust to the brightness of the sun and his eyes focused on a lone figure leaning against the wall. He approached, slowly, unsure of what to say.  
Shane was leaning over the edge, his hands resting on the wall. He knew it was wrong to be up here as most hotel managers don't allow guests on the roof. Nicky smiled at the fact that he'd known to find Shane here.

The blonde slowed his pace once more. As he looked at his lover, his heart ached. He could still picture Shane & Kian romping around on their bed. Tears filled his eyes but he blinked them back.

"I knew I'd find you here" Nicky called out.

Shane turned around. A mixed expression of shock and relief danced upon his face.  
"Nicky..." Shane breathed.

He pulled away from the ledge and approached his love. Without hesitating, he wrapped his arms around Nicky and pulled him in for a hug. The older boy didn't return the sign of affection. Shane's heart sank.

"Nicky..." Shane began. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you"  
"But... I saw you and him" Nicky replied.  
"He drugged me, Nix"  
"And in the bathroom?"

Shane pulled away and walked back over to the ledge. Nicky slowly followed him.  
"He cornered me..." Shane admitted. "I'd just finished my shower and I walked into our room... Kian was there. I told him to leave but he didn't. Then he kissed me. I tried to push him away, but I was only wearing a towel and he pulled it off me. That was when you arrived. I was worried that you'd see us and get the wrong idea. He pushed me into the bathroom and closed the door"  
Nicky nodded, afraid to speak.  
"You came in and I got even more scared. If you knew we were alone in the bathroom together and I was naked... It would have hurt you. I had to stop you from seeing us, to save you being hurt"  
"I..." Nicky trailed off.  
"He went down on me and started sucking me off. I didn't want him to, I swear. But once he started... I... I didn't stop him"

"Do you still love him?" Nicky asked, his voice soft and timid as though afraid of Shane's answer.  
"No, never" Shane replied. "What Ki and I had is in the past... But you, you're my future Nix"

"Shay" Nicky sighed. "I can't help it... Every time I look at you, I see you with him"  
"I'm sorry, I really had no idea... I... I thought he was you"  
"I don't understand... How could you mistake him for me?"  
"I... I don't know. I'm sorry, babe. I truly am"

"But he... He's supposed to be our friend" Nicky stated.  
"He was desperate... He wanted me back" Shane said.  
Nicky giggled. Shane stared at him.  
"Sorry Shane... He was desperate to have you back because you're so fantastic"

Shane couldn't tell if Nicky was being sarcastic as a joke or if he was being serious.  
"If I were in his position and... And you were me. I think I'd be tempted to do the same thing" Shane confessed. "I love you and I wouldn't want to let you go"  
"How do I know I can trust you... Or him even?"  
"I can't speak for him, but I swear to you... I love you and I will never do anything like that again"  
"But you say you didn't know... That you couldn't tell"

Nicky turned away from the brunette and stared over the edge of the railing. With his back still to his love, he spoke.  
"You made love to him; looked him in the eyes and... And you couldn't tell it wasn't me" Nicky blinked back tears.  
"I'm so sorry, babe"  
"You keep saying that..."  
"Because I mean it! And... I'm hopeful Kian has learnt from his mistake and won't try it again. He knows how much I love you. I've done nothing but insist it to him these past few days, weeks, months... He knows he went too far"  
"But what's to stop it from happening again?"  
"Kian wouldn't do that again"  
"And you can be sure of that?"  
"Well, no"

Both lads fell into an uncomfortable silence. Several minutes passed before Shane spoke.  
"So... Where does this leave us?" Shane asked Nicky.  
"You mean...?" Nicky replied.  
"Are you going to leave me?"

Nicky fell silent, considering Shane's question.  
"I don't want to" Nicky admitted.  
"Really?" Shane asked, hopefully.  
"Shay... I love you. I don't want us to end like this"  
"You can forgive me?"  
"I wasn't going to tell you this but... I saw you and Kian in the hall a few minutes ago..."  
"You were spying on us?"  
"No. Bry and I had just gotten back to the hotel... We were on our way to find you when you came out of our room... With Kian"  
"He followed me, I tried to get away from him..."  
"I heard what you said to him. That you love me and want to be with me. I also heard you say that if you can't have me, you'd rather be alone than be with him"  
"It's the truth, Nicky"  
"I know"  
"Really?"  
"Really"

Shane smiled and wrapped his arms around Nicky. The older boy was hesitant at first but was able to return the embrace.  
"I love you" Shane whispered in Nicky's ear. The blonde smiled.  
"I love you too" Nicky replied.

Their lips met in a soft, forgiving kiss. They held each other close as the world around them disappeared.

*****

After an intense make-out session on the roof, Shane led Nicky down stairs to their floor. He was attempting to sway Nicky into their room but the blonde shook his head.

"Nicky, what's wrong?" Shane asked him.  
"We need to talk to Kian" Nicky told him.  
"Not right now"  
"Why not?"  
"He knows what he did and how we feel... Talking to him now would just make him feel worse"  
"I don't really care how good or bad he feels..."  
Shane sighed.  
"You just want to go in there" Shane pointed to the door to Kian's room. "And flaunt our relationship in front of him"  
"It's not like that"  
"You want him to see that you and I are okay now...?"  
"Of course!"  
"I'm sure he knows by now"  
"Shane"  
"Let's just wait... Until we're ready to tell him things between us and him are cool again"  
"That might take awhile"  
"He can wait"

Shane smiled reassuringly at Nicky before opening the door to their room. Nicky followed him inside, casting an uneasy glance at their bed as he did so.

"Shane?" Nicky asked.  
"Yeah, babe?" Shane replied.  
"Kian's not in there..." Nicky nodded towards the door connecting to Kian's room. "Is he?"  
"I don't know... Where do you think he is?"  
"I just have this feeling that he's not alone right now... He needs to be with someone"  
Shane smiled.  
"He knows where he's welcome"  
Nicky nodded.

"Nix?" Shane asked.  
"Hmmm?" Nicky replied.  
"What made you decide to come back?"  
"Bryan... He found me and he... Told me how much you love me"  
"I'm really glad you believed him"  
"Me too"

Nicky wrapped his arms around Shane's waist and kissed him hungrily. The younger boy was more than happy to return the favour. After exchanging several, tongue-filled kisses they separated.

"Will you make love to me, Shane?" Nicky asked.  
"Will you let me?" Shane replied. Nicky nodded.  
"Hold me, please?"

Shane climbed onto the bed and Nicky lay down beside him. The brunette wrapped his arms around his lover and held him close. He had every intention of seeing to Nicky's request but for now, he was content to hold his lover in his arms.  
His encounter with Kian, while brief, had been forgiven but not forgotten. He hoped that one day their friendship could return to normal but until then, the only thing that mattered to him was making things right with Nicky again.

"I'm sorry, Nicky" Shane whispered to him.  
"I know" Nicky replied. "Do you think we'll ever be cool with Ki again?"  
"Maybe... Someday"  
"Hopefully?"  
"Hopefully"


End file.
